Building on strengths

“There are some places where I feel at ease and just focus on my own performance,” said one person. “Whilst I aim to co-operate with people, I do not compare myself with them or get involved in some kind of competition. Like a good golfer, artist or musician, I put my energy into fulfilling my potential.”

“On the other hand, there are some places where I worry about where I stand in the ‘pecking order’. This eventually becomes debilitating. Whilst I can learn from others, I want to concentrate on where I ‘play my natural game’, rather than lose sleep over the efforts of others.”

Peak performers often take this route. Whilst some do feel spurred on by competition, they translate this into channelling their talents. They ‘control the controllables’, rather than worry about what they can’t control. Let’s explore how you can follow this path in your own way.

1) You can put yourself in places where you focus on your own game.

Where do you experience this feeling? You may be painting a picture, composing a song, cooking a meal, solving a technical problem, cultivating a garden, making a presentation or whatever. What do you feel like then? What are the principles you are following? How can you follow these more in the future?

Looking at my own life, there have been specific activities where I have focused on the experience, rather than be concerned about comparisons. For example, when mentoring, running workshops and writing.

There have been two others – making ‘pitches’ for business and running football teams – where, whilst supposedly in competition with others, I felt little pressure. The theme in all these activities has been helping others to succeed – whether they are a mentee, reader, client, football team or whatever – rather than ‘beating the competition’.

Certainly it has been good to win the business or the football championship, but these outcomes have been by-products.

On the other hand, there are some areas where I worry about what I can’t control. This does not help anybody. So I try to quickly focus on everything that is controllable. Sometimes it takes a big self-kick to make this transition.

Try tackling the exercise on this theme. First, describe a specific activity where you focus on your own game, rather than worry about that of others. Second, describe how you can put yourself in this place more often. Try completing the following sentences.

2) You can play your own game and keep improving your performance.

Peak performers are committed to Kaizen – the Japanese concept of continuous improvement. There are many tools you can use to keep developing. Here are two suggestions.

* You can learn from your own performance.

Keep an ongoing record called My Development Diary. Looking back on the past week, for example, describe specific things under the following headings.

My Development Diary

The specific things I have done
well in the past week have been:

*

*

*

The specific things I can do even
better in the future – and how – are:

*

*

* You can learn from other people.

Write the names of three people whose opinions you respect. Looking at your professional work, invite them to give honest feedback on:

a) The specific things you do well.

b) The specific things you can do even better in the future.

Also invite them to give suggestions regarding a possible action plan. Whilst you don’t have to take all the ideas on-board, the exercise can provide valuable food for thought.

Try tackling the exercise on this theme. Describe the specific things you can do to concentrate on your own game and keep improving. Try completing the following sentences.

3) You can focus on your own game and become the best you can be.

Another way to develop ‘your own game’ is to find and follow your ‘tradition’.

What does this mean? Your tradition is made up of people whose path you are pursuing in your own way. They may be particular kinds of workers, athletes, artists, musicians, inventors, leaders, philosophers or whatever. Bearing in mind the principles they followed, you can learn lessons from them and integrate these into ‘your own game’.

Try tackling the following exercise on this theme. First, write the names of people whose tradition you may be following. Second, describe some of the principles they pursued. Third, describe how you can use some of these ideas to make full use of your talents.

My Tradition

The names of some of the people
whose tradition I am following are:

*

*

*

The principles they followed were:

*

*

*

The specific things I can do to integrate some of these
ideas into ‘my own game’ and try to fulfil my potential are:

*

*

*

There are many ways to keep improving in life. One approach is to focus on your own game, rather than worrying about that of others. You can then put all your energy into becoming the best kind of person or professional you can be.

Try tackling the exercise on this theme. Describe the specific things you can do to become the best you can be. Try completing the following sentence.

“Great design is simple, satisfying and successful,” we are told. Sounds simple in theory, but it can be hard to achieve in practice. Let’s explore how you can follow these steps for producing great design.

Start by tackling the exercise on this theme. First, describe something you would like to design. It could be an article, garden, house, seminar, solution, meal, tool or whatever. Second, describe the results you would like to achieve with this piece of design. Try completing the following sentences.

Let's move on to how you can create this piece of design.

1) You can make it simple.

Human beings love to design things. They love to make things work, find solutions or create their version of paradise. Christopher Alexander, a pioneering architect, wrote in The Timeless Way of Building:

"Each one of us has, somewhere in his heart, the dream to make a living world, a universe … When you first see a pattern, you will be able to tell almost at once, by intuition, whether it makes you feel good or not: whether you want to live in a world which has that pattern in it, because it helps you feel more alive … The more life-giving patterns there are in a building (or organization) the more beautiful it seems."

Architects nurse this desire at the centre of their lives, says Christopher. One day, somewhere, somehow, they want to create a building that is wonderful, a place where people can walk and dream for centuries. Every person has some version of this dream. Some wish to create a house, a garden or a fountain. Others wish to create a relationship, a painting or a book.

"Simplicity is genius," we are told. Great teachers make complicated things simple. So do fine designers. Art Fry's invention of Post-It Notes, for example, demonstrate simplicity in action. So did the Sony Walkman and the Apple Macintosh.

Try tackling the exercise on this theme. Looking at the things you want to design, how can you make it simple? Try completing the following sentences.

2) You can make it satisfying.

There is an old Shaker dictum that says:

Don't make something unless it is both necessary and useful;
but if it is both necessary and useful,
don't hesitate to make it beautiful.

Great design is satisfying on a number of levels. Physically it looks and feels good. Practically it works and is user-friendly. Psychologically it is aesthetically and sensually pleasing. Herman Miller’s famous Aeron chair, for example, embodies many of these elements.

Deborah Berke, an architect, goes even further. She says:

"One of the main criteria for the design of the everyday, though, is sensuality. Something that is sensual evokes a response that's not just visual or intellectual: It’s suggestive."

Let's return to the piece of work you want to design. How can you make it satisfying on many levels? Try completing the following sentence.

3) You can make it successful.

Great design works. It does the job. The Amazon web site made it easy for customers to buy books with ‘one click’. First Direct made it easy for people to manage their banking. Terence Conran said:

“Good design is probably 98% common sense. Above all, an object must function well and efficiently – and getting that part right requires a good deal of time and attention.”

Frank Lloyd Wright's Falling Water shows how something can be simple, beautiful and effective.

Human beings are designers by nature. They love to go through the stages of design, development and deliver. But we still face many design challenges.

Perhaps the greatest is to build a 'win-win' world. It is to create and care for a sustainable planet where everybody has the opportunity to fulfil their talents. This is our duty to future generations.

Try tackling the exercise on this theme. Looking at the specific thing you want to design, describe how you can make sure it works. You will then have created something that is simple, satisfying and successful. It will embody many of the elements of great design.

“My life is in chaos,” explained one mentee during a session. “Everything was fine until 3 months ago. Now my work is unsatisfying, my partner and I are having problems and my health is suffering.

"I want to get my life back on track. I know it impossible to change everything overnight, but have you any suggestions?”

You may have encountered such a situation in a mentoring or coaching session. There are three key areas you can explore to help the person to succeed.

If appropriate, you can also apply this approach to growth in your own life and work. Let’s explore these themes.

1) You can grow by focusing on yourself, your relationships or your work.

Some people want everything fixed tomorrow, but this seldom works. It can be good to focus on one area of solid ground and get a success. Certainly this must be related to the person’s long-term goals.

But the key is to take charge, set a specific goal and get an early win. Success breeds success. Gaining confidence in one area can then spread to other parts of one’s life and work.

So how to help the person mentioned in the introduction? He said:

“Looking at the three areas, the most critical is my relationships. Returning home from work, I don’t communicate with my wife, preferring to dive into my study to do email.

"My son is suffering problems at school, so I must give him more encouragement. Finally, I need to rebuild relationships with some old friends.”

Building on these thoughts, he set the following goals.

a) To create time each evening to talk with his wife. They also planned to go on ‘adventures’ together – sailing, skiing and walking.

b) To encourage his son to focus on what he did best – sports, music and film making – and learn how to manage the more difficult issues at school.

c) To rejoin his ‘old boys’ 5-a-side football team.

Concentrating on one area – relationships – could create positive momentum.

Let’s imagine you want to develop. Which specific area would you like to focus on? Would you like to start with yourself, your relationships or your work? Try completing the following sentence.

2) You can set specific goals in this area, work hard and achieve success.

“I decided to focus on my work,” said another person. “Why? Looking ahead, I could see problems on the horizon. The company I worked for had lost direction, failing to prepare for the future market. Bearing this in mind, I aimed to do three things.

“First, to agree with my bosses on realistic targets. This proved difficult because we had a matrix organisation with lots of dotted reporting lines. So this involved multitudes of meetings and, in some cases, mediating between my bosses.

“Second, to spend 80% of my time out of the office, working with customers and getting early successes.

“Third, to schedule one meeting a week with head hunters or with people in my network who might be potential employers.

“Throwing myself into the activities, I won some early sales. This fulfilled my first part of the bargain and satisfied the bosses. But the real movement came from contacting my network.

"Looking back, I don’t know why I had not done it before. Within 3 months I had two offers, taking one with a forward-looking company.

“What did I learn from the experience? Stay in charge and move sooner, rather than later. If a crisis comes, focus on a few things and get some quick wins. Keep working and never rest on your laurels.”

Let’s return to the area in which you want to develop. First, describe the specific goal you want to achieve. Second, describe your action plan for achieving success. Try completing the following sentences.

3) You can build on this success and focus on the next area you want to tackle in your life or work.

Success in one area can spread to other aspects of your life. One person reacted to a break-up, for example, by getting her own act together.

“I had neglected myself for so long,” she said, “so it was important to exercise my muscles. I did that literally, by going to the gym, entering a half marathon and, on the domestic front, moving into my own flat.

“There are certain things that hurt, like buying food for one, rather than two. But it is liberating to do what I want without asking permission. I am feeling more confident and beginning to make changes in my work. This has led to more job satisfaction.”

How could you build on success? Try tackling the exercise on this theme.

First, describe the next area you want to focus on: be it yourself, your relationships or your work.

Second, describe the specific goal you want to achieve in this area.

Third, describe the things you can do to achieve success.

Try completing the following sentences.

Sometimes events can seem overwhelming. At those times it can be useful to focus on one area and get a success. This provides the platform for tackling other aspects of your personal or professional life.

Sometimes it is import to have a 'spring clean' to sort out our lives. Clutter absorbs energy. So it is useful to refocus on the things that are really important. Try tackling The White Room exercise.

Imagine your life is a white room. There is nothing in it except your family. Then go through the following steps.

1) You can put three people into your white room.

“Two people immediately came to mind: my best friend and my partner at work,” said one person. “But the next stage was much harder.

“Which person should I put in the room? It was a bit like Desert Island Discs, but more serious. Eventually I chose somebody, but that was not really the point. The exercise forced me to think about:

a) The people with whom I feel alive.

b) The people who it would be good to meet occasionally.

c) The people with whom there was no longer a ‘click’.

"I decided to spend more time with the people who lifted my spirits.”

Who would you put in your room? Try completing the following sentence.

2) You can put three strengths and three goals into your white room.

Ask yourself: “What do I find most fulfilling? What are the three things I do best? What are the activities in which I flow, focus and finish?” Put your top three strengths into the room.

Then clarify your goals. Ask yourself:

“What is my picture of success? Looking back when I am 80, what for me will mean I have had a successful life? What are my personal and professional goals?”

Put your top three goals into the room. Later you can make an action plan for achieving this picture of success.

Try completing the following sentences.

3) You can put three possessions and three other things into your white room.

Time to treat yourself. List the three possessions you want to put into the room. One person found a ‘creative’ way around this, saying:

“Assuming I am allowed to put in my home and pets, I would put in my computer, TV and car. But I would also have a good clear out.

“We have so much stuff in the house and garage that we never use. Just looking at it takes energy.

“Regarding the three other things, I would include my mountaineering equipment, camera and painting materials.”

So what possessions would you put in the room? Plus what would be the three other things? Try completing the following sentences.

So now you have your family plus fifteen items – people, strengths, goals, possessions, other things – into your new life. It can be useful to look at how to build on these important things in the future.

The White Room exercise sounds drastic. But sometimes we need to refocus our lives. We can then concentrate on the people and activities that give us positive energy. Don’t worry. Clutter will soon appear and then it will be time for a new spring clean.