Sharing knowledge

This is a slightly controversial piece. The reason I have written it is because I have seen the negative effects of parents, teachers and others asking critical ‘why?’ questions. I also had a fine teacher who explained the effects of different kinds of questions.

Certainly it is possible to ask tough questions in a caring way. When in doubt, however, it can often be more encouraging to use ‘what?’ rather than ‘why?’ That is more likely to enable a person to achieve their picture of success.

Background

“Be careful when you ask ‘why?’ questions,” said one teacher when I was studying psychotherapy. “Because of their previous experience with such questions, a person may feel attacked or not be able to fully answer.

“There may be many reasons why, for example, a person behaves in a self-defeating way. They may have had poor models in the childhood, failed to learn particular skills or whatever. Certainly it can be useful with such insights, but there are other ways to will help them to gain this understanding.

“The point of asking questions is to enable a person to open-up, explore and find answers.

“It is not to make them feel intimidated. Even if a client discovers ‘why’ they behave in a certain way, they must then still move towards changing their behaviour.

“So you may want to consider another approach. People are more likely to open-up if you create an encouraging environment and then ask certain kinds of ‘what?’ questions.

“Imagine that you want to help a client to alter their self-defeating behaviour.

“First, you can clarify the specific goals they want to achieve – their picture of success.

The client may be trying to fulfil some of their basic needs – such as wanting to be loved, happy and successful. But unfortunately they behave in a way that pushes away the very things they want.

“So you can ask questions such as: ‘What are the goals you want to achieve?’ Clarify their specific goals in, for example, a real-life situation.

“Second, you can offer positive models and practical tools they can use to achieve ongoing success.

“Such an approach is more likely to be successful than coming across as a critic by asking: ‘Why do you do that?’ Sometimes you can help a person to move forward by asking ‘what?’ rather than ‘why?’.”

The teacher’s views highlighted why people clammed up when asked to explain their behaviour. Certainly somebody could benefit from understanding the reasons for their actions, but there were other methods for gaining such insights.

The aim was to expand a person’s repertoire of tools for achieving success, rather than forever analysing.

Let’s explore how to you can use ‘what’ questions to, for example, enable people to develop their behaviour.

1) You can recognise the consequences of asking a ‘why?’ question.

Some people seize-up when asked a ‘why?’ question. Much depends, of course, on the way the question is asked. Sometimes it can come across as caring, but other times it is interpreted as critical. One person said: “When people keep asking ‘why?’ it is as if an electrical charge goes across my brain.”

“But sometimes it is vital to know a colleague’s reasons for putting forward an idea,” somebody may say. “They must back it up with some rationale, rather than just wing it.”

Agreed: it is good to know why somebody is suggesting a particular strategy. But people find it easier to answer ‘open’ questions that may have several answers, rather than ‘closed’ questions which demand one ‘correct’ answer. So another way to understand a person’s hunch, for example, is to ask something like:

“What are your reasons for suggesting this way forward? What do you believe would be the benefits? What might be some of the downsides?”

Good communicators get people to open-up, rather than close down. So let’s explore some ways of making this happen.

2) You can ask different kinds of ‘what?’ questions to help the person to succeed.

Imagine you are a counsellor, therapist or coach. Your role is to help people to achieve their picture of success. Each person may come to you with both successful and self-defeating patterns. How can you help them to reach their goals?

One approach is to ask ‘why?’ questions; another is to ask ‘what?’ questions.

Below I have listed many more in the second category. Some of these ‘what’ questions may actually help a person to uncover the reasons ‘why’ they behave in a certain way. But they also chart a way forward. Some also lead to asking ‘how?’ the person wants to implement their chosen action plan.

Here are the two types of questions you might ask somebody when they come for a session.

‘Why?’ questions

“Why would you like to take part in the sessions? Why would you like to achieve your specific goals? Why don’t you achieve them at the moment?

“Why do you feel or behave the way you do? Why do you get into difficulties in, for example, relationships or work? Looking back at when you succeeded, why do you think you were successful? Why don’t you continue to follow these patterns?

“Why don’t you change your behaviour to reach your goals?”

‘What?’ questions

“What would you like to get from the sessions? What are your specific goals? What would you like to achieve in your life and work?

“Bearing these aims in mind, what topics would you like to explore in the sessions? What specific things – tools, ideas, knowledge – would you like to take away? What for you would make the sessions successful?”

“Looking at the first topic you want to explore, let’s focus on a real-life situation. What are your specific goals in this situation? What are the real results you want to achieve? What is your picture of success?

“Looking back at your own history – and looking around you – what do you believe works in this situation? Bearing in mind your own successful patterns, what can you do to follow these principles more in the future? What will be the benefits – for you and for other people? Looking at the specific situation, what other skills would you like to learn to achieve your picture of success?”

“Let’s move on to something rather difficult. What do you think doesn’t work in this situation? What will happen if you behave this way? Looking at your unsuccessful patterns, what may be the reasons you learnt them?”

“Unlikely as it may seem, there may also be some hidden benefits in such patterns. If so, what might be the conscious or unconscious pay-offs? Let’s look at the other positive alternatives. What could you do to get the same pay offs, but behave in a different way? What will be the pluses and minuses of behaving in this way?”

“Let’s revisit your goals in the real-life situation: what can you do to achieve these goals? What are the specific steps you want to take? What else can you do to give yourself the greatest possible chance of success?

“What support do you need? What can you do to get an early success? What can you do to encourage yourself on the journey? What are the specific things that will be happening that will show you have achieved your picture of success?”

You will, of course, create your own repertoire of questions for helping a person to reach their goals. Certainly it can be possible to ask a ‘why?’ question that enables a person to move forward. But such questions have to be asked carefully.

It is also good to watch the person and see how they react. Do they open-up or close-down? Building on what works, you can then expand your repertoire of questions that enable a person to succeed.

3) You can give a person a positive alternative regarding ‘what’ you would like them to do in the future – rather than ask: “Why do you do that?”

During the 1970s I spent several years working with family therapy. One pattern that emerged was that members of healthy families were often fair fighters.

Healthy parents encouraged their children. They also gave them clear messages – rather than confused messages or conflicting messages. Everybody knew the ‘family rules’, which were geared to helping people to grow. When the parents had to draw a line with their children, however, they frequently gave the youngsters a positive alternative.

Certainly they expressed their feelings, but they also explained ‘what’ they would like the children to do in the future. The children therefore ‘had a place to go’. They knew the specific behaviour that would – and would not – be rewarded.

Troubled families were made-up of dirty fighters. The parents fell into arguments and criticised other family members, demanding: “Why do you do that?” Everybody felt blamed and there was no place to go.

Fair Fighters

Fair fighters offer people a positive way forward. They start by taking responsibility for their own behaviour. When encountering challenges, they try to find creative solutions. When encountering conflicts, they aim to clarify what each person wants. They then use ‘how?’ questions: such as:

“How can we – as far as possible – find a ‘win-win’?”

Dirty fighters focus on how others are to blame. Their relationships often end up as ‘win-lose’ or, more likely, ‘lose-lose’.

People can take the first step towards developing a more virtuous circle by communicating ‘what’ they would like the other person to do in the future. This won’t work straight away, maybe because there may be too much pain in the relationship. But it does give the possibility of considering a positive way forward.

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As I said at the beginning, this may be a slightly controversial piece. As ever, however, take the best and leave the rest. Use the ideas you like to help other people to achieve success.

There are many approaches to strengths coaching. Some coaches make full use of the various Strengths Assessment tools. These include Gallup’s StrengthsFinder, CAPP’s Realise 2 and the Strengths Partnership’s Strengthscope. Some coaches employ their own tools for helping a person to build on their strengths.

Some coaches combine the strengths approach with elements of other methods, such as Appreciative Inquiry or Dependable Strengths. Some employ principles from Positive Psychology, Humanistic Psychology, Existential Psychology or other approaches.

Looking at the vast array of methods, however, it is possible to clarify some core principles that are used in the field. These often resemble the seven steps outlined in the illustration.

You will, of course, adapt this approach n your own way. Let’s explore how you can use it for helping people to achieve their goals.

1) You can get an overview of the strengths model for helping people to achieve success.

Imagine that you are a coach and somebody approaches you for help. You will make the person feel welcome and then make clear contracts about:

a) The person’s goals.

b) The things you can and cannot offer.

c) The aims for the coaching sessions.

Let’s imagine you both agree it will be worthwhile to use the strengths approach. You may then take some of the following steps to help the person to reach their goals.

(The following pages give a brief introduction to each step. Depending on the person’s situation, however, different coaches may focus on different aspects of the model.)

Setting the Scene – Clarifying
the Person’s Picture of Success

You will create a stimulating sanctuary and again clarify the topics the person wants to explore. Good coaches respect the person’s agenda. So you may ask questions like:

What topics would you like to explore in the session? Exploring the wider picture for a moment, is it okay to look at your medium and long-term goals? What are your professional goals?

What are your personal goals? Everybody has different pictures of success. Imagine you are 80 and looking back on your life. What are the things you would like to have done by then that for you will mean your life has been successful? What is your personal picture of success?

Bearing in mind the various topics we have mentioned, which would be the most helpful to tackle? What would you like to take away from the session?

Let’s assume the person wants to work towards their long-term goals. Conventional coaches will immediately focus on how to reach these goals.

Strengths Coaches, however, tend to spend more time exploring the person’s talents. They see this as crucial in clarifying the resources that the person has to reach their goals. You can check with the person if this approach is okay and, if so, move on to the first step. 

Step 1: Strengths

There are many ways to find a person’s strengths, successful style and, for example, their specific contribution to a potential employer.

Some coaches use the strengths assessment tools. Others use some of the following questions to uncover a person’s talents. So you may want to ask them:

What are you strengths? What are the deeply satisfying activities in which you deliver As, rather than Bs or Cs? When are you in your element – at ease and yet also able to excel? When do you experience a sense of flow?

What are the activities in which you see patterns? When do you quickly see the destination – the picture of success? When do you go ‘a, b, then leap to ____ z’? Which are the activities in which you are a good finisher?

Let’s explore your successful style. Looking back on your life, what for you have been the three most satisfying ‘projects’? We are using the term project in its widest sense. Looking at each project in turn, what made them satisfying? What were the principles you followed to do good work? How can you follow these principles in the future?

Let’s explore your perfect role. What for you would be the most stimulating kind of ‘project’? What kind of people would you like to work with? What would be the most stimulating place – culture and environment?

Your strengths are ‘what’ you do best; your style is ‘how’ you work best. Putting these together, what do you believe is the specific contribution you can make – to customers, an employer or other people?

If you were a Managing Director, what would you hire yourself to deliver? What legacy do you want to give to the world? What do you want to pass-on to people?

Step 2: Specific Goals

Bearing in mind the person’s strengths, you can return to the specific issue the person want to explore in the session. This is normally something related to achieving the person's long-term picture of success.

One key thing is worth bearing in mind at this point. Clarifying the person’s strengths often re-affirms their long-term aims. But sometimes it can lead to revisiting and revising their plans.

Let’s imagine, however, that the person has returned to their original aims. It’s now important to set specific goals.

Good coaches ensure the person is crystal clear on the ‘What’ before moving to the ‘How’. So you may say something like:

Looking at the first theme to explore, what is your specific goal? What are the real results you want to achieve? What is your picture of success?

What will be happening that will show you have reached your goal? What are the actual words you want to hear people saying? Try to be as specific as possible.

Let’s take a reality check before going any further. Looking at this situation: What are the controllables? What are the things you can control? What can’t you control? How can you build on what you can control and manage what you can’t? Bearing in mind the controllables, let’s go back to your goals. What are the specific results you want to achieve?

Clarity is crucial. Good coaches recognise that the more specific the person is about their desired outcomes, the greater their chances of success. You can then move onto the next step.

Step 3: Strategies

Good coaches encourage the person to move onto the ‘How’. So you may ask them some of the following questions.

Looking at the specific goals you want to achieve, let’s begin by focusing on what works for you. How can you use your strengths – and follow your successful patterns – to achieve your goals?

Bearing these things in mind, move onto the strategies you want to pursue. Try answering the following question: 'What are the three key things you can do to give yourself the greatest chances of success?'

Good coaches encourage the person to focus on the key strategies they can follow to reach their goals. At this point they may then ask the person: Is it okay if I share some ideas?

The person will probably say: Yes, I am open to any ideas.

The coach then shares knowledge, models and practical tools the person can use to achieve their picture of success. They share these in a way the person can accept and use in their own way.

Good coaches look for the ideas that resonate. They frequently check to see which of these the person wants to explore in greater depth. This part of the session is often like creative problem solving – a topic we will explore later.

Sometimes at this point the person wants to move on to making an action plan. They have clarified the ‘What’ and ‘How’. Now they want to move on to the ‘When’.

Sometimes this is absolutely appropriate. If so, it can be good to focus on helping the person to make an action plan for achieving success. Sometimes, however, it can be useful to focus on some of the following steps.

Step 4: Support

Even the toughest people need encouragement. Some coaches therefore clarify what support the person may need. So you may ask some of the following questions.

Looking at the strategies you are going to pursue, what support do you need to make them happen? What is the practical support? What is the psychological support?

Who are the people from whom you need support? How can you make clear contracts with these people? What is your back-up plan if you do not get the support?

How can you encourage yourself on the journey? How can you manage your energy properly? How can create times for rest and recovery?

How can you do some ‘course correction’ and make sure you are still on the road towards achieving your goals? How can you get some early successes?

Good coaches ensure the person has built-in enough support. They may then move on to the next stage – how to do superb work. This is more likely, however, if the topic being explored involves the person performing well in their professional role.

Step 5: Superb work

It’s time to get the show on the road. So you may invite the person to explore some of the following questions.

How can you do superb work? How can you do your best to deliver success? How can you keep building on your strengths and managing the consequences of your weaknesses?

How can you do the right things in the right way every day? How can you be super professional? How can you always do the basics and then add the brilliance?

How can you keep in touch with your sponsors – the people who can hire or fire you? How can you satisfy you customers?

Good coaches encourage person to embark on their journey. If appropriate, however, they also explore the next stage.

Step 6: Solutions

Good coaches encourage people to anticipate and prevent difficulties. So you may ask the following questions.

Looking ahead, what do you see as the potential difficulties? How can you prevent these difficulties happening? What can you do if, despite your efforts, these difficulties do occur? How can you find successful solutions? How can you make sure those difficulties do not happen again in the future?

Creative Problem Solving

Sometimes however much the person prepares, they will still meet setbacks and difficulties. At these times the coach may work with the person to find creative solutions to the challenges.

Different people use different models for finding solutions. Coaches sometimes use variations of the 3 C Model. Looking at the challenge to tackle, they encourage the person to focus on Clarity, Creativity and Concrete Results.

Here is an overview of the model. When tackling the challenge, it is vital for the person to clarify the real results they want to achieve.

Coaches help the person to find creative solutions to challenges. This is also another time when they may share knowledge, models and tools the person can use to achieve their goals. It is then time to move onto the final step.

Step 7: Success

Good coaches are often like good educators. They encourage, educate and enable people to achieve ongoing success. At the same time, the person must obviously work hard to reach their goals.

Let’s assume the person has made an action plan and embarked on the journey towards reaching their goals. You may ask them some of the following questions.

Let’s look again at your plans for achieving your goals. What have been your early successes? Which milestones have you passed so far on the journey?

What are you doing well? How can you do more of those things in the future? What can you do even better in the future – and how?

How can keep doing the right things every day? How can you encourage yourself on the journey? How can you manage your energy properly? How can you relax, rehearse and rise to the occasion?

How can you do whatever is necessary to reach your goals? How can you achieve peak performance? How can you add that touch of class?

This is an overview of the seven steps model. You will, of course, use it in your own way. So let’s explore how you might employ it with people.

2) You can clarify which parts of the strengths model you can use to help people to achieve success.

The strengths approach is like any other tool. You will sometimes use the entire model, sometimes just the parts that are relevant.

Looking at my own work, for example, I spend a lot of time on setting the scene – clarifying the person’s picture of success. We then explore the person’s strengths, specific goals and strategies. The subsequent sessions often concentrate on solutions along the road to success.

Try tackling the exercise on this theme. Looking at the seven steps model, which parts would you feel comfortable using? How could you apply these to help a person to reach their goals? Try completing the following sentence.

3) You can use the strengths model to help people to achieve success.

Different practitioners use the strengths approach in different ways. Bernard Haldane used it after the Second World War to help returning veterans. Focusing on their ‘transferable skills’, he enabled them to apply these talents to find fulfilling work.

During the 1960s and 70s writers such as Richard Bolles, Barrie Hopson and Mike Scally enabled people to translate their passions into paid work. During the 1980s David Cooperrider created Appreciative Inquiry and applied the strengths approach to organisations.

Since the 1990s people such as Martin Seligman and Marcus Buckingham have added new dimensions. The strengths approach is now used in education, work, sports, career development, coaching, mentoring and many other fields. It is used in individual sessions, teamwork and designing organisations. You will, of course, use it in your own way.

Try tackling the exercise on this theme. Describe the specific things you can do to use the strengths model to help people to reach their goals. Try completing the following sentence.

There are many ways to help people to build on their strengths. This article has outlined a seven steps model that works. Take the ideas you like and use them in your own way to help people achieve success.

“People learn from what we do, not from what we say,” is the motto. We cannot all be a Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela or Mother Teresa, but we can try to set a good example. As Gandhi said, we can try to make our lives our message. Here is a much told story about his belief in being a positive model.

Be The Change You Want To See In This World

During 1930’s, a young boy had become obsessed with eating sugar. His mother was very upset with this. But no matter how much she scolded him and tried to break his habit, he continued to satisfy his sweet tooth. Totally frustrated, she decided to take her son to see his idol – Mahatma Gandhi; perhaps her son would listen to him.

She walked miles, for hours under scorching sun to finally reach Gandhi’s ashram. There, she shared with Gandhi her predicament.

“Bapu, my son eats too much sugar. It is not good for his health. Would you please advise him to stop eating it?”

Gandhi listened to the woman carefully, thought for a while and replied:

“Please come back after two weeks. I will talk to your son.”

The woman looked perplexed and wondered why had he not asked the boy to stop eating sugar right away. She took the boy by the hand and went home.

Two weeks later they revisited Gandhi. Gandhi looked directly at the boy and said:

“Boy, you should stop eating sugar. It is not good for your health.”

The boy nodded and promised he would not continue this habit any longer. The boy’s mother was puzzled. She turned to Gandhi and asked:

“Bapu, Why didn’t you tell him that two weeks ago when I brought him here to see you?”

Gandhi smiled:

“Mother, two weeks ago I was eating a lot of sugar myself.”

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Let’s explore the importance of modelling.

1) You can recognise the power of positive modelling.

Looking back in your life, who have been your positive models? What did you learn from these people? How can you be a good model in your life and work?

Children learn from their parents; employees take their cue from the tone set by their leader. One picture of positive modelling is worth a thousand words. Sometime this is good; sometimes it is bad.

“Twenty years ago I saw the damage done by setting a bad example,” said Paul, the chief executive of a hospital group. “The staff in the hospital where I worked spent months preparing for an important visit from a Health Minister.

"He arrived half-an-hour late, but still sat in his car smoking. He then rushed through the hospital in 15 minutes, only stopping to grab a photo opportunity with a patient.

"The staff knew about the Minister’s foibles. They knew he was considerably overweight and could be rude, but were still crestfallen. They questioned the value of their work when somebody so disinterested was deciding the health service’s future.

"We returned to the job in-hand, taking care of our patients. But the experience taught me about the distress caused by setting a bad example.

“Now I aim to act as a good model,” said Paul. “Visiting the hospitals, I plan it like a military operation. I build-in time to talk with the security guards, receptionists, patients in reception, cleaners, nurses, doctors, admin staff and anybody else I can meet.

"Why? Our job is about providing the right medical care and the ‘personal touch’. I am paid to make decisions, which sometimes involve life and death, but I love visiting the hospitals.

"Our staff and patients are human beings with feelings and each person wants to feel valued. So it makes sense for me to set a good example.”

Let’s return to your life and work. What is the area in which you would like to act as a positive model? Try completing the following sentence.

2) You can clarify the specific things you can do to be a positive model.

This is a life-time task for most of us – because we all make mistakes. Yet it is something we aspire to achieve – whether it is by being a good parent, teacher, manager or whatever.

“I used to fly off the handle when things went wrong,” said one manager, “but then one day I got a shock. Somebody said: ‘Do you realise that you act like a bully?’ That was the last thing I intended, so I immediately changed my behaviour.

"Nowadays I count to 10 when faced by a crisis. This seems to have rubbed-off on my team members who have also become calmer in difficult situations.”

Let’s return to the activity in which you want to be a good model. Do two things. First, describe the specific things you can do to behave as a good model. Second, describe the benefits – both for yourself and other people. Try completing the following sentences.

3) You can be a positive model – and sometimes see the benefits.

Go out and do your best; because that is all you can ever do. Sometimes you will see immediate effects, but sometimes the results may take years.

“The joy of teaching is that you plant many seeds – and sometimes you see them grow,” said one educator. “But the real pleasure is that many students learn and plant seeds in their own way miles away in places you will never visit. That, of course, is nature’s way."

"Human beings are hooked on seeing immediate results in front of their eyes, but they must learn from how nature pollinates. Several times a year I receive letters from old students.

"Each letter usually starts: ‘I am not sure if you remember me, but I learned so much from your classes. I now try to inspire other people in the way that you inspired me.’ This is humbling, but we never forget a good teacher.”

You may have had a similar experience. One day somebody says how much they learned from you in the past. Whatever you do, accept the compliment.

They may have spent years waiting to pass-on their thanks. Everybody learns from parents, teachers, leaders and other models. Many of us owe much to the power of positive modelling.

So how can you turn your intentions into actions? You know ‘what’ you want to do and ‘how’ you want to do it. Now comes the ‘when’. Conclude by making a specific action plan for being a good model. Try completing the following sentence.

Imagine you have been asked to facilitate a team workshop. There are many definitions for the word ‘facilitation’ and it often refers to helping to bring something into being. When facilitating a workshop, however, it calls for enabling people to channel their energies towards achieving a specific goal. So let’s explore how you can employ the art of facilitation with a team.

1) You can clarify what is required from the facilitation.

Whilst the principles of facilitation remain constant, the application can differ from case to case. So it is vital to check with the key sponsors – the people who are hiring you – what they do and don't want from the session.

As ever, you will focus on the ‘what, why, how, who and when’. So you may ask your sponsors questions around some of the following themes. 

* The ‘What’.

What is the goal of the session? What are the real results you want to achieve? What are the specific things you want people to be feeling, thinking and saying after the session? What for you will make it a successful session?

What is the session expected to ‘produce’? For example, does it aim to produce an increased sense of motivation, a common agreement, a clear vision, a road map, a specific action plan or whatever? What will then happen as a result of the session? What is the longer-term picture of success? Bearing these things in mind, let’s agree on the goals for the session.

* The ‘Why’.

What will be the benefits of achieving the goals? What are the potential pluses – for the team, colleagues, customers and other groups? What are the potential minuses?

Can you tell me a bit about the history of the team – and other factors – that have brought you to this point? What are the challenges facing the team? How will the team eventually be measured by its sponsors? What must it do to deliver success? Are there any other factors that I need to know about?

* The ‘How’.

Bearing in mind the team’s characteristics – it’s strengths and weaknesses – and my style, are there are any key principles you want me to follow to ensure we reach the goals? Certainly I will use my expertise, but are there any particular ‘Dos and Don’ts’.

As you know, it is good to build on what people have in common. So what do people already agree on? What might be the differences? Have you any views on:

* How people can build on what they have in common?

* How it may be possible to find solutions to any differences?

* What may be the specific topics where, despite attempts to find agreement, you or other key people may simply need to make a decision?

Is there anything else you want to say about ‘how’ we conduct the session?

* The ‘Who’.

Who are the different people in the team? What are their specific roles? What are their professional goals? What are their individual strengths? What are their weaknesses? What are their individual learning styles? What are their specific interests – business, sports, the arts or whatever? What are they likely to do during the session?

Who is actually accountable for delivering what in the team? Who will make the key decisions regarding the strategies for delivering the team goals? Who will then be following up the work that is done during the session? What will they need to deliver?

* The ‘When’.

When will the actual session be held? What will be the time frame? What is the location like? Can we get all the materials required for the facilitation?

When will people be informed about the session and it’s the goals? Will they be crystal-clear on the agenda? Will they have done any homework? Looking at our success criteria: What are the specific things that will be happening that will show we have achieved the goals for the session?

Summarising The Agreement

You may then summarise the discussion by saying:

Looking at what you want to achieve, here is a potential framework for the day. Is there anything you would like to add or change? Bearing this in mind, I will send an email confirming the goals and timetable. Let me know if you have any further thoughts or want more information. Otherwise I will see you on the day. Is that okay?

Collecting the information, you will clarify several things in your head.

* You will clarify the goals.

* You will clarify the ‘controllables’. During the day you can only build on what you can control and manage what you can’t.

* You will clarify your plan of action for running the session.

This will include, for example, welcoming people, confirming the agreed goals, making clear contracts about your role and their roles, employing exercises and clarifying how you can guide people to success. Rehearsing the day in your head, you will anticipate the potential challenges and find solutions.

Summarising The Dos and Don'ts

Finally you will clarify the ‘Dos and Don’ts’ for running the session. As a reminder, you may complete the exercise below. Feeling you have done what you can, you will relax and look forward to the session.

2) You can do your best to provide superb facilitation.

Before setting out for the day, you will rehearse again the overall ‘what, how and when’ for running the session. So your action plan may look something like the following.

Getting to the venue, do everything possible to create the setting for success. After welcoming people, invite the team leader – or other key sponsor – to set the scene for the day. They will then hand-over to you to run the session.

The Steps To Take During The Session

Here is a brief overview of the steps you may then take to enable people to channel their energies toward achieving the goals. You may find it useful:

* To confirm the goals for the session.

People need to know what the session will and won’t cover. They also need to know what it is and isn’t about.

* To make clear contracts about everybody’s roles.

Explain your own and the participants’ roles and responsibilities for reaching the goals.

* To clarify the ‘rules' for the session.

For example, one person to speak at a time; respecting other’s views; seeking to understand what the person is saying before responding; clarifying the real results to achieve; brainstorming creative solutions; solving conflicts by saying things like: “How can we, as far as possible, get a ‘win-win’?”

* To be a good model as a facilitator by demonstrating these skills in your own behaviour.

This is crucial. People believe what they see, not what they hear.

* To focus on the first topic to explore.

People need context so, if appropriate, show how tackling this topic will help towards achieving the overall goals.

* To facilitate exercises, discussions and models that enable people to use their energies to reach the goals.

For example, you can use approaches like the 5C model for creative problem-solving. This invites people to focus on their challenges, choices, consequences, creative solutions and conclusions.

* To show respect for people’s strengths, styles and contributions.

As the facilitator, your role is to enable people to channel their talents to achieve the goal. Certainly it is okay to provide stimulating input at certain points, such as summaries, models and tools. But your main role is to facilitate their efforts and help them to achieve ongoing success.

(You may also be working with the team in other roles – such as a mentor – but in this situation you are acting as a facilitator. If you want to step out of that role in the session, position this by saying something like: “I am now going to step out of my role as a facilitator for a moment and take the role of ____ then I will go back into the role.”)

* To encourage people to build on their areas of agreement.

For example, to say things like: “So let’s clarify the 80% or so that we agree on. We can then find solutions to the differences.”

* To build on solid ground and develop a sense of success in the session.

For example, by saying things like: “So what have we achieved so far? What have we agreed on?”

* To build on what people have achieved in the session and move the conversation forward.

For example, by saying: “What are the key topics we now need to explore? Which one do you want to tackle first?”

* To keep connecting with the key sponsors.

Ensure they are happy with how things are going and, where necessary, make alterations to ensure the session achieves its goals.

* To, within your role as facilitator, do whatever is necessary to guide the team to success.

Keep asking yourself: "What are the goals to achieve? How can I do my best to help people to achieve that picture of success?"

* To conclude the session by handing over to the key sponsor to outline the next steps.

Facilitating the session calls continually practicing two key skills:

a) To be fully present and ‘hands-on’ – listening carefully to what people are saying and building on their contributions.

b) To be able to ‘helicopter’ above the group to see the patterns and ensure the process is on track towards reaching the goals.

You will then do everything possible to help people to achieve their picture of success. You may wish to remind yourself of the things you can do by completing the following exercise.

3) You can, if appropriate, follow-up the facilitation.

The session will probably result in some kind of ‘outcome’. This could be, for example, a clear vision, a strategic plan, a piece of written work, such as a brochure, an ongoing development programme or whatever.

As part of the facilitation service you can offer to write-up the session’s output or contribute in others ways to the required ‘product’. Creating something tangible after the session makes it more likely that people will also produce tangible results.

Following-up The Facilitation

If appropriate, there may be other ways to follow-up the session. These may include opportunities:

* To facilitate further sessions with the team.

* To run sessions on other topics, such as on leadership, customer service or other skills.

* To have one-to-one follow-up mentoring sessions with the individual team members.

* To produce written materials that provide practical tools that add to people's skills.

* To provide ongoing support on projects that result from the facilitation or other sessions.

Try tackling the exercise on this theme. Describe the specific things that you can do, if appropriate, to follow-up the facilitation.

Great facilitators enable people to channel their energies towards achieving their picture of success. You will obviously follow this path in your own way to help people to reach their goals.

There are also many people who provide excellent facilitation services. David Pilbeam, co-founder of The Talent Network, is one of the best. You can reach David at the link below.

David Pilbeam

There are many ways to look at how people become experts in a particular field. One approach is to consider the five stages a person may go through along the way.

They start off by being a student. Aiming to pass on knowledge, they become a teacher and a consultant. Then comes the most dangerous phase. They may want to become a guru. Sometimes they move on, however, and become a sage. The guru wants followers, but the sage wants to give things away. Why? The sage realises they have almost gone a full circle and they are really a student.

Let’s explore these five stages.

1) Student and Teacher.

Imagine you want to explore a particular topic. You may want to learn about education, business, science, solving problems or whatever.

The first step is to become a student. What is your learning style? You may learn best by reading books, doing projects, sitting at the feet of experts or in some other way. As Jiddu Krishnamurti said: “The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning.”

Different people learn in different ways. Willa Cather, the author, said: “There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm.” Matt Damon, the actor, highlighted the concentration required by saying: “If anybody wanted to photograph my life, they'd get bored in a day. 'Here’s Matt at home learning his lines. Here's Matt researching in aisle six of his local library. A few hours of that and they'd go home.” Whilst George Santayana said: “The wisest mind has something yet to learn.”

People also learn differently in different circumstances. But you may be able to see patterns in the way you learn. If so, try completing the following exercise.

“The best way to learn is to teach,” we are told. So sometimes it is a natural step from learning to teaching. Many educational models invite older students to teach younger ones. Paulo Freire’s work on spreading of literacy in poorer communities, for example, urged people to help each other through the philosophy of ‘each one, teach one’.

There are, of course, many approaches to education. Great educators start by clarifying the learner’s goals. They then encourage, educate and enable the person to achieve success. They aim to:

* Encourage.

They encourage people to build on their strengths and manage the consequences of their weaknesses.

* Educate.

They educate by offering people offering knowledge, models and tools they can add to their repertoire.

* Enable.

They do whatever is required to enable people to achieve ongoing success

Some people go through the steps of being a student and teacher. They then go onto the next stages.

2) Consultant and Guru.

Consultancy has a mixed reputation. Over the years there has been a massive rise in services provided by various professional bodies. Whilst such services often provide ‘hands-on’ help, some also provide professional ‘consultancy’.

There are, of course, many different kinds of consultancy. Some people provide niche expertise; some provide ‘facilitative’ help. Anybody can call themselves a consultant. But the proof of the pudding is whether they get re-hired by clients.

People often move into consultancy after developing their ideas in a particular niche. Looking back at my own life, for example, I was asked to share the experiences that our staff had in running therapeutic communities.

Other people become consultants in their own fields of expertise. This may be surgery, architecture, engineering, risk assessment or whatever. As we know, however, some consultancy has the reputation being all ‘smoke and mirrors’.

Good consultants pass on their expertise in a way that helps their clients to succeed. David Maister’s book The Trusted Advisor identified what many consultants hope to become. Such advisors follow a certain path in their work. They start by clarifying the client’s need and then go through the following steps.

* Clarity.

They start by focusing on the ‘What’. They identify the challenge and establish clarity – the real results the client wants to achieve. They then clarify the ‘controllables’ – the things the person can control in the situation.

* Creativity.

They move onto the ‘How’. They explore the choices for tackling the challenge. They clarify the consequences of each option – the pluses and minuses involved. After considering these possibilities, they explore any other creative solutions.

* Concrete results.

They move onto the ‘When’. They help the client to settle on their conclusions. This involves the client deciding on the route or routes they want to follow towards achieving the goals. They then encourage the client to make clear working contracts. Finally, they enable them to do whatever is required to deliver concrete results.

Some people gain the reputation of being gurus in their field. This can be the most dangerous phase. In Eastern philosophy a guru is seen as a spiritual guide. Whilst they may have followers, such people aim to demonstrate kindness and humility. After all, they serve eternal principles. So they aim to enable people to find their own way to enlightenment.

Unfortunately the guru approach can become more personalised. Instead of focusing on the principles, students focus on the person. In the Western world, for example, some of the ‘new religions’ and ‘new psychologies’ revolve around the cult of personality. The guru is seen as a mini-god.

Some leaders renounce this interpretation, but others play on the status. They produce videos, tapes that highlight their name. They develop expensive training programmes that involve people going on multiple courses to understand the person’s teaching. Some even borrow techniques from brainwashing to recruit and keep people. Such gurus want followers and charge them heavily for the privilege.

During the 1960s there was much discussion around the theme of The Good Guru Guide. Some of the questions regarding a guru were these.

“Is the person kind? Are they generous? After being with them, do you feel more able to make your own decisions? Do you feel freer to shape your own future? Or have you been asked to sign up for more programmes with the promise that, one day, you will get enlightenment?”

This takes us to the next stage.

3) Sage – and Student again.

The guru often wants followers, but the sage wants to give things away. Sages are like good educators. Whilst able to share knowledge, they want people to make up their own minds in their own way.

Such people often embody the second simplicity. What does this mean?

During the early years a person may see things in simple terms. They believe in love, peace, beauty and building a better world. But then comes complexity. They go to work, enter university, write in long sentences, join big companies, incur debts and make compromises. They say: “Life is not that simple.” But then comes another shift, perhaps triggered by a crisis that clarifies what is important in life.

They move onto the second simplicity, which is a profound simplicity. A person may return to their original philosophy, but experience has brought wisdom.

The pains and pleasures of life bring an extra timbre to their voice. Speaking from the depths of their being, their words resonate more deeply. They are ‘real’, rather than in ‘role’. Such people have wisdom in their bones. They make complicated things simple. They pass on knowledge that is real, relevant and rewarding.

Sages remain humble. They do not see themselves as wise, not even for a moment. They feel part of a tradition, something greater than themselves. The sage realises that they will always be a student.

So it’s time to go around the circle again. They restart the journey and aim to help people along the way.