“Study success,” said one of my teachers. “You are then more likely to feel optimistic. Study cynicism and you are more likely to be cynical. That does not mean you should ignore reality. Study solutions, however, rather than constantly analyse failure. What you focus on, you become.”
What you study – what you put into your system – has an effect on how you feel. This is the law of return. Let’s explore how you can focus on what you want to become.
1) You can clarify what you focus on.
What is your normal approach? Do you focus on things that are positive or negative? Do you concentrate on beauty or ugliness; solutions or problems; hope or despair? Do you count your blessings or worry about what is missing? Do you spend time with people who are creative or those who complain?
Martin Seligman, a renowned psychologist, describes his own Road To Damascus moment when his 8-year-old daughter said to him, in effect:
“Dad, I might do much better if you occasionally told me what I did well.”
He went on to write books such as Learned Optimism. Until recently, he maintains, psychologists could only get funding if they studied how people became ill. So they became experts in pointing out how people failed. He is now trying to reverse that trend and founded The Positive Psychology Network.
Try tackling the exercise on this theme. First, describe the things you focus on now. Second, describe the effects of focusing on these things. Try completing the following sentences.
2) You can clarify what you want to focus on.
Depending on which society you live in, you may be assailed by negative messages through the media. The constant argument, criticism and carping can take its toll. Yes, it is vital to see challenges and find creative solutions. But you need positive energy to make that happen.
“Ten years ago I changed dramatically,” said one person. “Being a caring parent, I wanted my children to grow up happily. But then one day I got a shock.
“My son asked me: ‘Is the world going to end?’ My answer was, ‘Of course not,’ but I wanted to know why he asked the question. He had been looking at my doom and gloom environmental magazines. This was also embodied in the mood of despair I sometimes expressed when friends came round for dinner.
“Suddenly I took notice. I wanted to build a happier, more sustainable world, but I was poisoning my own home. Now I take magazines that show practical ways we can improve the world, rather than those that fill people with despair. It was a tough lesson.”
What do you want to focus on? You may want to spend more time encouraging other people, playing music, enjoying the arts, caring for your garden, creating beauty or whatever.
Try tackling the exercise on this theme. First, describe what you would like to focus on in the future. Second, describe the effects of doing these things. Try completing the following sentences.
3) You can continue to focus on what you want to become.
This calls for continuing to follow good habits. You may remember the old story about Gandhi.
One day a mother brought her son to see the great man and said:
“Can you please tell him to stop eating sugar?”
Gandhi asked them to come back in 2 weeks.
The date duly arrived and he told the boy to stop eating sugar.
The mother thanked him but, before leaving, she asked:
“Why couldn’t you tell him that two weeks ago?”
“I had to give up sugar first,” said Gandhi.
He believed you had to live the message.
How can you continue focusing on what you want to become? You may want:
* To count your blessings.
* To build on your strengths.
* To spend time with Encouragers.
* To perform stimulating work.
* To study success.
* To learn from positive models.
* To expand your repertoire of creative solutions.
* To get an early win each day.
* To encourage other people.
* To clarify your achievements at the end of each day.
Try tacking the exercise on this theme. First, describe the specific things you can do to continue focusing on what you want to become. Second, describe the benefits of doing these things.
There are many philosophies regarding how we generate our feelings. One approach is to consider that what we put into our system has a profound influence on the way we feel. This has implications for both ourselves and for other people. Try completing the following sentences.
Posted on Thursday, October 13th, 2011 at 4:02 pm in Strengths, The Strengths Blog | RSS feed
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