There are many ways to help people to achieve their goals. Some approaches focus on people’s strengths; some on their limitations; some on understanding and changing their feelings.
Another approach is for a person to focus on their ‘sequences’ of behaviour. They may follow certain sequences, for example, that result in successful or unsuccessful outcomes.
People can capitalise-on or change these patterns. This involves choosing their attitude, taking specific actions and thereby increasing their chances of achievement.
The ‘sequence approach’ can help people who want to take more control of their lives, manage stress, change a habit, give up an addiction, be more successful or whatever. Let’s explore how this works in practice.
1) You can help people to understand sequences.
“My father died recently and since then I have had panic attacks,” said Laura. “This is upsetting, because I am normally a calm person. My father’s death was unexpected – and he and I were close.
"Since his death I have taken care of everything: the funeral, my mother, relatives, solicitors, everything. This is normally the case in the family and at work – but now I can’t take care of myself.
"Suddenly I get panic attacks in the street or at work and it is very embarrassing. Certainly I know it will take time to come to terms with my father’s death and I expect to get mood swings.
"But I just need to find a way of dealing with the panic attacks and giving myself space to get on with my life.”
How to find a solution? Like many challenges, the key issue revolved around a person wanting to be more in control.
Laura recognised she may not be able to control her mood swings as these were part of grieving. She wanted to control of her behaviour, however, rather than succumb to panic attacks.
Trying to ‘fight them’ did not work – so we took another approach. Did she know when the attacks were going to happen? What were the warning signs? What preceded the attack?
Laura described the ‘sequence’ of what happened.
a) She felt tired through lack of sleep – often after spending hours ‘counselling’ other people.
b) She was trying to concentrate on something – such as a task she must do at work.
c) She felt tingling in her hands – which then crept up her body;
d) She felt detached and began to feel dizzy.
e) She had difficulty in breathing and started to sweat.
f) She wanted to escape from the situation and, if possible, find a place to be quiet.
g) She managed to recover after 10 minutes – and was able to resume what she had been doing before the attack.
Looking at this pattern, we saw where Laura could intervene to take more charge of the sequence. The question was: “How?”
Looking back at her life, we explored how she had managed stress successfully.
“I play music,” explained Laura.”Putting on my iPod, I go into my own world and, even if only for five minutes, it works. I feel refreshed and ready to return to the world.”
Later we will return to see what actually happened with Laura.
People learn to see how they follow certain sequences. Some of these patterns may be helpful, some may be hurtful.
People who are addicts, for example, develop patterns that become a ritual. They begin thinking about a fix – be it tobacco, alcohol or whatever – anticipate how it will feel, get physical sensations, perhaps approach a friend who also wants a fix, take the first action step – such as reaching for the cigarette packet or whatever – and travel the road towards a specific outcome.
If a person wants to ‘ditch the habit’, they must:
a) See the benefits.
b) Commit to achieving a specific goal.
c) Develop a new sequence that is equally or more rewarding.
People who are peak performers also follow certain sequences. They know that following certain habits will increase their chances of achieving success.
2) You can help people to change their sequences.
Laura looked at ways she could ‘intervene’ to prevent panic attacks. She started by building on the right foundations.
This meant getting enough sleep and spending time with encouragers – rather than only counselling others. She planned to eat properly, which she had failed to do since her father’s death.
Laura then tackled the first warning signs – the tingling sensation in her hands. She could change the sequence by introducing her successful pattern – creating the space to play her favourite music.
Sometimes it might not be possible to use her iPod, so we developed other strategies for feeling calm. She spent 30 minutes creating her action plan and rehearsing scenarios.
Laura focused on the specific actions she could take to make the transition to a calmer state. Two months later she reported that, whilst still experiencing mood swings, there were no panic attics. Laura felt more in control and more able to shape her future.
Couples also develop sequences. During the 1970s I was part of a team that practiced family therapy and we often came across certain patterns.
Sometimes a married couple would launch into a fight, with one person saying to the other: “You always do that.” “No I don’t,” came the reply, “you are always complaining.”
“You are attacking me again,” was the response, “do you know how that makes me feel?”
The couple were travelling down a painful road. Both knew the outcome: tears, sulking, distance and, perhaps, attempts at reconciliation.
Certainly it was vital to explore the marriage foundations but, before then, they needed some breathing space. So we helped the couple to try another sequence.
Spotting the first signs of an argument, they might choose to go apart for 10 minutes – maybe one going out for a walk. Returning to talk, they could listen and encourage each other – perhaps like they did on their first date!
The couples learned to spot new warning signs, ‘buy time’ and then embark on a more successful sequence.
3) You can help people to develop successful sequences.
Take a look at your own life and work – especially the specific activities in which you deliver As.
You probably know exactly what you can do to give yourself the greatest chance of success. You know how to make decisions, set priorities, manage your time, focus, follow your daily disciplines, get early wins, encourage yourself or whatever.
(You will probably also know how to make sure you don’t succeed!)
How can you capitalise on what you know works? Try tackling the following exercise.
First, describe a specific goal you want to achieve.
Second, describe the specific things you can do to follow your successful sequence and achieve the goal.
Third, describe the benefits of achieving the goal.
Try completing the following sentences.
The specific goal I want to achieve is:
*
The specific things I can do to follow my
successful sequence and achieve the goal are:
*
*
*
The benefits of achieving the goal will be:
*
*
*
There are many ways of enabling people to achieve their goals. One of the most effective is to help them to develop successful sequences.
